Remember, a struggle is something that you can learn from and make yourself or something better!
Imposter Syndrome [ im-pos-ter sin-drohm ] noun. anxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces.
Basically, it’s the feeling of NOT BEING ENOUGH.
This is much more of a common issue than we think. I’ve heard women that I admire and look up to tell me that they’ve never felt pretty, or that they’re bad at this or that. These ladies were not just being self-deprecating for modesty or to play down their accomplishments. They truly believed it. And then I realized that I was doing the same…
// Photography by Robert Underwood //
MY STORY OF FEELING NOT ENOUGH
It started with an email from Tinsley of PAIRR asking me to be a part of a Texas Empowerment Women’s’ panel to speak at Neiman Marcus Fort Worth. First of all, HOW AMAZING to be a part of something like that! Then, these thoughts started creeping in… Me? Really? What could I have to offer?
We hopped on a call to discuss the overview and focus of the event – Women Empowerment and sharing honest stories of our journey as businesswomen. She told me about the other amazing speakers who would be a part of the panel. Again, those thoughts creeped in, and I actually asked her if she picked the right person! She was so nice and confirmed that indeed she had the right person. Okay. I could do it.
The day of the event was a busy one! Even though I had glanced at my weekly plan on Monday, I didn’t think to change around an appointment for Little M and I was going to cut it close. I had to be at Neiman Marcus Fort Worth at 6pm. His appointment was from 4-5pm. Then I had to pick up Baby M. And somehow, I had to have dinner for them. Mr. S had told me that I didn’t need to get a babysitter because he would be able to take care of the kids.
He texted me and told me that he was running late. OMG!!! I decided to do a “quick run” to Chick-Fil-A which actually tacks on an extra 20 minutes through the drive-thru. I WAS STRESSED! My sweet boy reminded me that we could go in and it might be faster – which we did! I picked up Baby M who happened to be in her pajamas since it was PJ day. We got home at 5:30pm. Maybe, I would be on time?!! I sat the kids at the table for dinner while I changed quickly – I had 15 minutes until I had to leave. No word from husband.
At that point, I decided that they would have to come with me until he could get them. I went to get a change of clothes for Baby Girl and then put them on. She had to poo. SERIOUSLY!!!! Ten minutes later, I grabbed their iPads (electronic babysitter to the rescue) and we headed out!! I was leaving our house at 6pm. UGH.
I also realized that I had no way to get a hold of Tinsley except for email, and I would be arriving 20 minutes late with two children in tow. OMG, I felt so unprofessional!!
When I got there, my friend Stacey had just pulled in. I glanced over and she saw my look of STRESS!! She was so sweet and offered to help with the kids. We ran in and EVERYONE was so sweet. As always, all the Neiman Marcus associates were offering to help, the PAIRR team was watching the kids, and everyone was lovely.
But my cortisol had shot straight up and I was still in stress mode. I met Rachel of The Female Founder, our emcee, and she asked me if there was anything in particular I wanted to share about myself. That’s when I freaked out (inside) again. OMG, I am not anyone special. I’m just this mom who can barely keep it together, and I happen to blog and work as a pharmacist too. Obviously, I can’t even handle a day when I am on a panel and show up late with two kids. I am an IMPOSTER and should not be here on this panel. They definitely made a mistake.
I blurted out something about “making sustainable style glam and positive mindset”. Um, how hypocritical of me when I was having those own thoughts in my head.
It’s very scary to tell you these things because it’s real and raw. Those were the exact thoughts going through my head, but I spared some of the cuss words I said to myself. This has happened to me at other times in my life too, like when I first finished pharmacy residency.
HOW TO DEAL WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Here’s where I am going to pause and share HOW TO DEAL WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME. I learned a lot from the RISE Conference by Rachel Hollis. In case you aren’t aware, I am a HUGE FAN of her, and she is like my Oprah. So I will empower YOU with some of the things that I have learned to combat those negative thoughts.
- First, STOP. Would you let someone come into your house and talk to you like that? NO, you would think that they were extremely rude/mean/an a**hole/etc. WHY would you talk to yourself that way?
- Second, think of everything that you have accomplished. Counteract all the negative thoughts with a truth.
- OMG, I am not anyone special.
- God does not make mistakes, and everyone is special.
- I’m just this mom who can barely keep it together, and I happen to blog and work as a pharmacist too.
- Did you just hear yourself, Sam? You are a mom, and blog, and pharmacist. You’re a f’ing BADA$$!! (Just hype yourself up!)
- Obviously, I can’t even handle a day when I am on a panel and show up late with two kids.
- Things are crazy with kids and Mr.S’s work. Next time, I will plan better by rescheduling the appointment and getting a babysitter just in case. (That’s what I learned from the craziness!)
- I am an IMPOSTER and should not be here on this panel. They definitely made a mistake.
- This is the hardest, but what I did was think of SERVING. How can I best serve the ladies who took time out of their night to come to panel to learn or hear inspiration? I think of my insecurities as a little selfish and I have to get over it so that I can HELP others!
- OMG, I am not anyone special.
- Last, you can give your negative thoughts a name like Pam. Tell Pam to SHUT IT when she starts giving you that negative talk. You got this!
- BONUS: would I want my son/daughter to think of himself/herself this way? They model themselves by the behavior they see us doing.
THE PAIRR PANEL – A HAPPY ENDING
I did a quick prayer and asked God to give me the right words to serve the ladies that we were speaking to that night. The panel discussion proceeded and it was so INSPIRATIONAL! All of us shared our story, things that we have learned from our struggles, and answered a few questions. I want to share a little bit about each panelist in order of how we were sitting L to R. These women are phenomenal!
- Rachel of The Female Founder (emcee): Not only does Rachel host a podcast called The Female Founder, but she is also the CEO and founder of Rent My Wardrobe app. Rent my Wardrobe empowers women to become their own entrepreneur. Users have a two-way advantage of saving money on clothes they rent and making money on clothes they list.
- Peyton Mabry: Payton is a DFW lifestyle personality. She got her start as a world championship cheerleader at the age of 15 and developed a masive “overnight” following. At age 18, she had to have major spine surgery which ended her athletic career. Peyton didn’t let that stop her, and she has used her platform as a way to share positivity with her followers.
- Brittany Underwood of The Akola Project: Brittany is absolutely amazing, and the impact that she makes in other womens’ lives is PHENOMENAL. Akola is the first full-impact brand to be sold in the luxury space through its launch at Neiman Marcus. She founded this company as a college student and has worked over 12 years to positively impact women in crisis through training, living-wage work, and holistic care. It’s hard to summarize everything that she has done to help so many people. I truly look up to her.
- Katey Hellman of Chronic of Frivolity: Katey is TRULY one of the kindest and wisest gals that I know! She is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I’m honored to call her a friend, and she is a fabulous mother, wife, Christian woman, and business woman. She is a wealth of information about beauty, life, style, and decor. If you don’t subscribe/follow her, then you should.
- Brittani Rettig of Dallas GRIT Fitness and Brit by Grit: Brit is a powerhouse, and her positive attitude shows in person. Her business started in 2012 when she was struggling during her long hours in management consulting and struggles with weight. She started the blog first to document her journey to a healthier lifestyle and took a leap of faith in 2014 to open her first fitness studio in Dallas. She now has 3 studios in Dallas and leads over 80 people and staff.
I also wanted to give a little background on Tinsley, the woman who brought us all together!
- Tinsley Merril of PAIRR: She is the co-founder of PAIRR which is an experience ecosystem that pairs brands, influencers, and artists with their target market through customized events and experiences. They provide invitation-only events for users based on their experience preference. It’s such a cool concept, and I love how she brings community together in a fun way.
You should check out these ladies if you have a chance. They are all wonderful women who have accomplished a lot in their own right and may inspire you to do or try something amazing!
I do want to share just a small bit about the fashion and the event. Our outfits were provided by Alice & Olivia. I decided that this velvet mini dress would be perfect (but didn’t consider that we would be sitting on stools)! Since I only had 10 minutes and didn’t curl my hair that morning, it was pulled back to a low bun. I accessorized my LBD with vintage Chanel earrings and statement shoes.
As you can tell by the pictures, it was a a fabulous affair. The Ketel One and Topo Chico bars were amazing and stocked with yummy fruit and gorgeous flowers. Neiman Marcus popovers and hor d’oeuvres were circulating the floor before hand. Steffi Lynn was illustrating customized pictures for guests. There were models wearing different Alice and Olivia pieces. It was all around amazing and makes me want to attend another PAIRR event!
By the way, here is a podcast of our panel talk from The Female Founder Podcast!
dress ALICE & OLIVIA c/o (also here)
necklaces MARLA AARONS (chain + silver lock), MARLA AARON (loop chain, star lock, heart lock), VINTAGE MARY MEDALLION
earrings VINTAGE CHANEL (love this luxe and less) | shoes AMINA MUADDI (love this luxe and less)
By the way, I had to show y’all the pics that were snapped with me and the Littles at Neiman Marcus Fort Worth. Priceless! LOL!
Happy Friday Y’all! We have a very busy weekend with two kiddo birthday parties and another holiday party for Mr. S. Tis the season of busy-ness!! And before you know it, Christmas will be here! EEP!! Hope the gift guides are helping! There are two more left!
I’m still trying to fight this cold and drinking lots of water AND coffee!! LOL! What are you up to this weekend?
♥︎ ♥︎ STAY GLAM, DO GOOD ♥︎ ♥︎
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