Confession

style of sam, valentino rockstud kitten heels in nude and black, how to wear a backpack and look ladylike valentinorockstudsandpink2 valentinorockstudsandpink3 valentinorockstudsandpink4 valentinorockstudsandpink5

Photography by Angie Garcia

This is what I wore for my first Catholic confession.  After seeing these images, I’m reminded of a conversation I had with Liz at the Polish Dallas fashion show (more on that later this month).  “This is real life, not the blog!”  Hindsight is 20/20.  Anyhow, I just wanted to be in my “Sunday best” for this evening.  Is this church appropriate??  It would have been better with a different shoe choice, but this IS a good insert blogger event here outfit!

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thrifted ARMANI blazer {similar} || ZARA tulip dress (old) {similar from FC} || CHANEL pearl necklace via Last Call {similar} || KARA ACKERMAN earrings c/o || VINTAGE, STELLA&DOT bracelets || VALENTINO rockstud kitten heels || CHANEL backpack {east/west version for less than $1000} || PRADA baroque sunglasses || TOM FORD aphrodisiac lipstick

WARNING: the rest of this post is more of a personal post and less about style!

Anyone who knows me would say I’m a positive person.  One of my nicknames is Samshine, which I DO LOVE!  But that’s what most people think and see on the outside… It’s been pretty rough for me introspectively the past almost two years.  Now, I know it seems to coincide with the timing of Little M’s birth, but please don’t think it’s attributed to him at all.  I just feel like I lost myself, my innate self of positivity, my Samshine.   Mr. S had mentioned it to me multiple times… You  don’t seem happy?  I felt thankful for everything in my life.  We were blessed with a tender hearted boy and the best adoption that we could ever imagine.  We had our health and weren’t in need of clothing or shelter, but I felt this emptiness.  Normally, I could shake it and I’ve always been able to “just be happy” like it was my second skin.

Now I may loose some of y’all here.  We’ve gone through quite a journey to have Little M.  Along the way, so many things happened, little things.  But now looking back, I realize it was guiding us towards the Catholic Church.  I didn’t feel comfortable with IVF (the whole process), but we were so desperate for a child that I did it anyways. I didn’t like the idea that we (the doctors) were messing with Mother Nature in what should be a “natural process”.  It didn’t work.  Was it because I didn’t “believe” or was too scared to get my hopes up?  I don’t know but it didn’t happen 3 times (and 3 rounds of IUI previous to that).  Then my hairstylist moved to Chicago and recommended another gal (my current awesome gal Connie). During our first meeting, she told me about The Creighton Method, which is one of the natural family planning methods utilized by the Catholic church.  It sounded interesting so I looked into it.  Long story short, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had 2 surgeries in Nebraska.  By the time of the second surgery, I was set on adopting even though THAT surgery was supposed to allow us to become pregnant.  Fast forward years later, and our dreams came true with the adoption of a very special baby boy.  God had answered our prayers and made him just for us… sounds silly but we feel that it’s so true.  Throughout this journey, we had inconsistently gone to church.  After Little M was born, we felt a responsibility to raise him with a good foundation in the church.  After visiting many churches, we both agreed on the Catholic church!  If that wasn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is!!!  Mr. S and I are so opposite ON EVERYTHING that it’s hard to find a compromise, but we BOTH loved that church.  We committed to the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) classes which started in September and will complete at the end of May.  It’s a program to help us learn more about Catholicism, and we’ve been learning so much in this RCIA class.  I feel like God is sending me messages through these teachings and had renewed my hope and happiness. I can’t explain it better any than that.

Hopefully, that made some kind of sense.  What I’m trying to say is that I felt lost when I was “too busy” for God because I was a new mother, wife, pharmacist, blogger, whatever…  And now that I’ve been lucky enough to be accepted into the Catholic Church and renew my faith, God is filling my heart with joy and love.  And I don’t ever want to forget that.  I am overcome with emotion as I’m writing this post, but this is something I really wanted to share.  If you’ve made it this far, then thanks for hanging in there!

Amazing grace!  How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.  I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see. – John 9:25

Rxoxo, Sam

15 thoughts on “Confession

  1. Loving this outfit, the dress is so pretty! :D
    Oh boy, I haven’t been to confession since I was confirmed in 8th grade, haha… I used to go to church every weekend with my parents when I lived at home, but the past couple years I have been slacking (which my grandmother hates.) I should really get back to it…maybe this Summer. But I feel as long as I’m living life the right way, God won’t hate me for missing out on a few years of church. As long as I worship in my own way, hehe.
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    1. That’s what happened with Mr. S. He used to go with his parents all the time and then I think he just didn’t want to anymore… until Little M was born! It was good motivation for him!

  2. I love this outfit and would totally wear it to church! :) (If I went to a physical church, ha! I go to church online. I serve there every week).

    I know what you mean with baby coming along too feeling a little lost – it’s completely natural Sam! All of a sudden those little things you had time for (even just spending an extra lazy 5 minutes in bed after an alarm goes off) you don’t have time for any more, and it can be a big adjustment. But as baby gets older, just as you’ve found with your son, you have more time for you and you can focus on something that makes you feel better – and it’s wonderful you’ve found the church is there for you and gives you some guidance/help in feeling more like ‘you’ again. If that makes sense. Funnily enough, I started feeling better when I managed to commit to that hour a week for Church Online again too! Now I just gotta work on reading more of those bible plans – I keep finding great ones to read and I’m adding them faster than I’m reading them!
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    1. That’s really cool about the online church! I’m not familiar with that… but that sure would make attendance a lot easier!

      Yes, you’re right Mica. I’m glad that you were able to find that hour a week also! It’s a good “reset” button so to speak. Oh gosh, I have so many plans too. Actually, I just discovered a new magazine that fulfills my need for uplifting words of faith and beauty/fashion/inspiring images. It’s Thryve Magazine – I just bought the copy and like the first part so far! (Here is the link: http://www.thryvemag.com/)

      1. Yeah I can’t even remember how I found church online – which is a shame as everyone has these awesome stories about how they found it, but I definitely found my church ‘home’ even if it’s through a computer screen!

        Thanks for the link to Thryve – I will have to check it out later! It’s late here and I’m trying but the website just doesn’t seem to be working for me, it just keeps loading an image when I click. Maybe after some sleep I’ll figure it out! ;)
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  3. Congrats! I am a Catholic convert too. I went through RCIA in college. I did not look that awesome when I went to my first confession :)

    1. LOL!!! Thanks Tyler! That’s awesome that you made the commitment in college. I had attended mass with my friends occasionally but never went beyond that. What a great thing to do then!

  4. Thank you for being open & honest. I believe so many of us get to “busy” for God & it can make an uneasy filling. When I am feeling blah & overwhelmed I can trigger it to my relationship w Him. I am very excited for yall & im glad there is a renewal of faith so to speak.

    Ps. I love your nickname samshine :)

    1. Thanks so much Tasha. That’s really good that you are able to recognize that about yourself. I am trying to be “consistent” in my relationship with him and hope that keeps me on the right track!

      And my friend who came up with the nickname is pretty clever! :)

  5. Beautiful post Sam! You have always shined so bright each time I’ve been lucky enough to hang out with you:) I’m so happy you are finding your place and you are on the road to happiness. You are beautiful inside and out!! xo, amy

    1. Thank you so much Amy! That’s such a nice thing to say! I feel the same way about you too. Glad we became “real friends” after meeting on instagram!

  6. Very Church lady outfit!

    Appreciate you sharing and getting personal your blog. Sorry you’ve been feeling lost but I feel like that is somewhat normal for new moms. Your complete focus becomes the child and you lose yourself. Perhaps this blog could be a therapeutic way to focus on yourself? Taking time for yourself, etc.
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